The DC was a successful event. A lot of realizations hit me. I wasn't able to sleep for the previous nights after the convention and I contemplated about the things that I need to do... to correct. You see, I don't feel happy with my decisions in life for the past years. I think, the only right decision I made is when I went back to being an RP. I am actually anticipating the PSS now and some other priviledges out there to be offered. This is the only thing that makes me feel contented. Heh. Contentment. It's really hard to achieve, especially for a person like me who constantly changes choices and moods and decisions and all. But I guess, when we are constantly wishing for something, we overlook what we already have.
Another thing. I was actually trying to forget that I will be doing a big part in his wedding. Yes, I was asked to host the party. That fact that it's him and it's her pains me a little. I was so engrossed with the idea that I won't be affected anymore but when I stumbled upon their pictures in FB, holding each other, there was an unexplainable feeling of being crushed. This is the first time I saw him smile like that. And his eyes look so happy. So maybe the happiness I witnessed before when he was with me wasn't true. Or maybe he was just pretending that he was happy for me not to think that he's not. Whatever it is, I don't have the right to meddle over his matters anymore.
Yeah, well. Move on. I am actually happy these days. I started writing. Yes. At last. I am now working on a film project which agitates me a lot. Well, I can't explain what I exactly feel, how high my moods are right now and how elevated I feel because here I am again in my "ups". When a thing is really your passion, you will really feel happy despite the stress it gives you (coz time is really hard to manage). Without it, there will be no energy at all. And there's no life without energy. I am still in the first scenes though. Last night I met the production staff and the other writers for a storycon. And right now, I have this terrible feeling of being half hearted. Half hearted between giving them this piece for the film or writing it on my own for an entry in CPMA. What should I do? But since I am already here (and well I thank them for giving me the motivation to start), I need to go on.
So there. I actually have a lot to say because I have lots of inspirations for my poems lately. Just can't have the urge to start writing that stuff this time.
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