I remember what Samuel Johnson said about surprises. He said that our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks. I had been bored these days because of everyday routines of work-home life. But this week, a friend, whom I have known since... hmm, can't remember, asked me to meet him. I agreed since I don't really have anything to do that day and by the virtue of the fact that he is really fun to be with (with all our laughing and tripping and all). We met and talked, yes, and the usual awkwardness between us are still there. I somehow managed since I am really used to talking with him since we were going out even before (with friends or with a friend). This time, however, he is alone.
That day was followed with calls and constant text messages of greetings. I have this feeling that he is making some efforts that are not usual to friends lately but since it's not my attitude to assume, I let him do his thing. One day, he asked for an advice. He said he's liking this girl but he can't tell her he likes her and the usual bla bla bla. At last, I thought, he likes a different person, not me.
I am always used to the feeling of being the "friend" in the love stories of the people around me. It is proven that I am an effective matchmaker and that I made two people fall in love with each other "five times". Yeah, five times already. I somehow think I have magical powers of playing with people's emotions and making them fall in love with the people I want for them. My friends, usually guys, ask me how to do this or that for a girl because maybe, they think I have all those wonderful notions in love and courtship. (Writing about men and women's nature doesn't make me a love guru, right?) So there. I thought...another friend seeking for advice and I am ready to give him the sincerest one.
So, one night he fetched me from work. He said he's supposed to say something. I felt that something is not right there. The assuming narcissistic part of myself says this guy is going to confess something to me but it is always overpowered by the inferior side of me. After that night, it's different. I somehow think that maybe this guy is fabricating a story about a girl he likes because that girl is me. Old cliches. Old ploys.
Then the next morning he said it's me. He said he wants to pursue me and some mediocre things that a guy says when he is starting to woo a girl and make some advances. Well "how ridiculous and how strange to be surprised at anything which happens in life." This is supposed to be a normal thing right? But this is a bit surprising. And a bit disappointing. Mixed emotions.
An article I once read says it's really impossible for two opposite sexes to stay friends with each other. I am starting to think it's true despite some experiences that are against it. But yeah, now I have this confusion and this growing feeling of regret that I should've allowed our meet-up that day. Maybe this didn't happen. I don't know. I just don't like the feeling of being the potential cause of melancholy. I can never accept all my friends into a deeper kind of thing, right? But I can never hurt their feelings too. I may know how to reject a person but rejecting a love offered by a friend is so freaking hard. Besides, this guy friend is so dear to me.
I once heard a guy said. "I wish I was a woman, " and I said, "why?". He answered "so I would know how good it feels like to reject a man." Heh. Those guys. They think it's easy for girls to repudiate a person. It hurts to be turned down. Girls can also feel that. It's not easy. It's not and it will never be.
So is giving the person a chance the answer?
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