The Fear of Loosing a Sense

I couldn't bring myself to write something until now. I realized, I just wanted to write something and remind myself that there are so many things that are out of my control and that everything will be fine in the end. If it's not fine, then it's not yet the end. 

I've been having a hard time digesting all the surprises life has given me. Last few months when I visited the hospital for my checkup, the doctor told me they are not sure if I will have my hearing back to normal again. Yes. I imagined the horrors of not hearing sounds normally again and the fear of wearing a hearing aid. I hate the thought. After having to go back there for several consecutive Mondays, I felt a gradual acceptance(?). Static sounds are constantly present and I feel so dumb sometimes because I have to see the person talking to fully understand. I had to lip read. I remember when my sister said something and I had to ask for it again and she gave me this face which seems to say "are you deaf or something?", rolled her eyes and say "nothing". And then I had to cry silently after turning my back. 

I decided to go on a trip for the holiday with my relatives. Went to Laguna, stayed some days there and then headed to Quezon. We had this expression in Hiligaynon which goes "pangabuhi sa uma" meaning 'farm life' and that is like what we had there. Just letting the time pass in the calmness of countrylife. Sometimes I can't help but wish that life would be this simple. I sometimes hate that my brain cells are working too much for I need to think about the things that I have to do when I get back in the city. 

My aunt suggested to go to a resort and treat the kids (and those who think like kids^^). We spent our afternoon there. The next day, we headed to the nearest beach, which didn't go so well because someone drowned, an old man, and it made me feel a bit dizzy. I went back to Manila that very day and arrived in our house just to pack my things because I need to have another check up in the morning, and a Pangasinan trip at night. My friends adjusted the travel time because I need to be on my checkup. The doctor told me not to be hard headed or I will loose my hearing. 

I didn't cry in the hospital anymore. I told myself that loosing one of my senses is not a big deal. I still have four. After all, I don't have a choice but to be positive.